Why is accountability such an issue for us in life?  Why is so hard to hold people accountable and to be held accountable?  Do you ever feel that you are not very successful at handling it when people break their word to you? First let’s look at what happens when others break their word.  Often times we get very upset when others don’t follow through like they said they would, and the reason for this is what we interpret their actions to mean.  We often make the assumption that their actions meant something about us.  We take it personally.  For example, my husband was late for dinner and I interpret that to say he doesn’t care about us.  Or my boss didn’t acknowledge the great job I did on a project and I interpret that to say he doesn’t appreciate me.  It’s never what happened that has us upset, it’s what we make it mean.  The same is true with people breaking their word to us.  We assume they meant to hurt us, or don’t care, or that we are not important … [Read more...]

Would you like the key to a lifetime of happiness?  It’s very simple really and can be summed up in one simple question:  Where’s your focus?  The focus of your attention determines all of your life’s experiences.  Whether you say you want certain things or not, wherever you put your focus, you place your attention and energy.  And because the Universe is so generous and wants you to have everything you desire, it will give you what you choose to put your energies in to, consciously or subconsciously. Now I said this is very simple, but it’s not easy.  We are conditioned as human beings to being clearer about what we don’t want in life vs. what we do want.  Did you ever notice that?  For instance all throughout my life into my 30’s I said “I want to be married and have kids”.  However, what I was focusing on was all the ways that my relationships weren’t working.  When I was dating I was focusing on all the qualities that I absolutely did not want to have … [Read more...]

9) Celebrate yourself.  One of the hardest things for us to do as human being is to celebrate our accomplishments.  It is vital that you learn how to do this for yourself, the big stuff and the little stuff.  This creates energy on the subconscious level and sends a message out to the Universe that says, “Send me more good stuff”.  So the next time that you take a risk and public speak, whether it’s a big function or one on one, congratulate yourself.  Tell yourself “way to go me”.  Often times we look to others to give us this kind of attention.  But did you ever get a compliment and you brushed it off?  This is usually because we are negated the statement in our minds.  Celebrating yourself opens us up to the opportunity to take in others compliments much easier, because we are already giving it to ourselves. 10) Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.  As with celebrating yourself, having gratitude toward something attracts more of it into your life.  Even if the … [Read more...]

5) Have a personal motivational statement.  Develop a short, easy to remember statement that you can say to yourself when you are nervous about something you have to say.  Mine is “I am a magnetic, expressive, decisive and real woman”.  This statement is something you can rely on to get you through a tough situation.  And just like breathing, it gives you something to focus on other than your nervousness and negative self talk. 6) Dress for Success.  Appearance matters.  Often times we underestimate the impact of how we look.  And the greatest impact is on us.  Feeling great about how you look gives you that extra edge to be able to speak to people with confidence.  So when you have to speak to someone, put on your favorite outfit, iron your clothes, shine your shoes, and hopefully it will be a good hair day!!! 7) Carry a special object or personal item.  For at least the first 8 years that I was a professional speaker I always carried this little green stone in my … [Read more...]

As I mentioned in the introduction to this series, I don’t have the magic key that is going to take away your fear of speaking to people.  But if applied, these tips can certainly ease the mental, emotional, and physical stress that grips you when you have to speak in public or even have a difficult one on one conversation. 1)      Thoughts become our reality.  Most of the time what keeps up from speaking up in any situation is our negative self talk.  We say things to ourselves such as “I can’t do this”, “I’ll look stupid”, “They won’t like me”, and “I’m going to make a mistake”.  These thoughts are not the truth, although we are very good at convincing ourselves that they are the truth.  This keeps us from taking action in life.  And creates a ton of stress inside us.  Becoming aware of the negative thoughts and transforming them is the key to having a life of freedom and confidence.  Consciously changing those thoughts to ones like “I know … [Read more...]