Would you like the key to a lifetime of happiness? It’s very simple really and can be summed up in one simple question: Where’s your focus? The focus of your attention determines all of your life’s experiences. Whether you say you want certain things or not, wherever you put your focus, you place your attention and energy. And because the Universe is so generous and wants you to have everything you desire, it will give you what you choose to put your energies in to, consciously or subconsciously.
Now I said this is very simple, but it’s not easy. We are conditioned as human beings to being clearer about what we don’t want in life vs. what we do want. Did you ever notice that? For instance all throughout my life into my 30’s I said “I want to be married and have kids”. However, what I was focusing on was all the ways that my relationships weren’t working. When I was dating I was focusing on all the qualities that I absolutely did not want to have in a mate. For my profession I was a professional dancer and while I desired to be successful my focus was on all the ways I couldn’t make it, or that I may not be good enough. I focused on my competition and how they might be better than me. Placing my focus on what I didn’t want to happen had me putting all of my energies there. Guess what I created in my life? More and more of what I didn’t want! The Universe doesn’t decipher between positive and negative, good and bad…it simply delivers.
Being that many of our desires and thought processes are subconscious how do we know what thoughts are running us? Simply look at what you have in your life. Our results simply show us what our most intimate thoughts are. It’s a definitive, clear picture. So if you don’t like what you have in your life, then change your focus.
Focusing on what is great in our lives is a learned process. It’s so easy to focus on what’s not working. It’s an entirely different practice to focus on what is working. In relationships this can be tough as everyone has a negative side and a positive side to them. And our tendency is to focus on how the other person falls short of our expectations, or how their actions have us feeling hurt or disappointed. Choosing to focus on what is great about them and realizing that people’s actions are not who they are, they are simply actions, right or wrong, is the key. For instance, my 3-year old can’t help doing things that are naughty. It’s just a part of our makeup. But I know that he is not a naughty child, he is brilliant and loving and wonderful. And even when I am disciplining him, I am treating him as if he is brilliant and wonderful.
Sometimes it is easy to make the connection with our children, but much harder with our spouse. With spouses or partners we run the greatest risk of getting hurt. Our tendency is to retreat and blame when we feel hurt, or to lash out. Choosing to see your significant others actions as separate from who they are is key. This is not to say that anyone should stay in an abusive or unhealthy situation. That is an entirely different subject. But in an otherwise healthy relationship this practice is absolutely essential.
Putting this into practice: At the end of each day journal 10 things about your spouse or partner that you appreciate. Try this for a week and see how it alters how your significant other shows up in your lives together.
